And Now Your Answers - Day 199
People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:
Pops asks:
Beej,
This all begs the question: who's doing the nailing? I don't necessarily want to do it, but it would have been nice to at least be asked.
Blog Jesus answers:
The nailing being done by a super accurate blind Haitian man. The reason he is doing it is classified, but between me and you it's because he knows I have someone set to drown his grandchildren in a mud puddle if he doesn't do the job.
G.D. asks:
on your way out, you chicken-shit, can you leave the keys to the kingdom?
when's the going away party? i'd like to give the midget porn artists some notice.
Blog Jesus answers:
I am actually putting up the kingdom for auction. Highest bidder gets the whole shebang and some broken down meth kids.
No party . . . not because I don't want to be honored, but I plan on being pretty horrible tomorrow and I don't want piss in the punch.
Labbie asks:
Blog Geez,
One post honoring you and all you've done for us (or lack thereof) is forthcoming for next Wednesday... Should I play some sad song in the background?
In Him,
Labbie
ps: Is GD a midget pimp?
Blog Jesus answers:
Actually play circus music with the sound of children crying overlapping it.
No she is not a midget pimp. She just has several as sex toys and is willing to rent them out.
Old Roses asks:
Dear Blog Jesus,
Since you are leaving us like that other Jesus, does that imply that you will also be returning at some future date like that other Jesus?
Blog Jesus answers:
No. I ain't no bitch. When I die, I stay dead. Giving hope is for pussies.
Killarjoe asks:
BJ,
Tell me why I'm obsessed with sending pictures of my cock to random women from the internet, and why am I such a pathetic loser?
Blog Jesus answers:
You know, I was considering reconsidering my retirement, then someone goes and lets their cock out. Killar just go flash a bunch of school girls and get yourself arrested. You being off the streets will make the world a better place.
Danikabur asks:
Should I interupt my search for JG while I search for you? I think I'm close to reaching her so I'm not sure you want me to stop.
Then again since you are leaving I may have to rethink that shrine idea.
Blog Jesus answers:
Don't stop looking for her. Get her first then come to me. I want to see you two make out.
________________________________________________
Here comes the crown of thorns. Last day tomorrow . . . come heavy or don't come at all.
As always, I look forward to making your world right again.
- Blog Jesus
posted by MPH @ 8:38 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
One post dedicated to you and all you've done (and left undone) is up on the Hypergraphic Blogger. Thanks for everything, and have a nice life... Or lack thereof.
Peace!
Last question: Boxers or briefs? We all want to know.
i don't care what you say...
i'm coming by with some dip and the midget ho's...you just have someone bring some chips.
what should i wear?
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
When I used to hear about illiterate students graduating from school, I often wondered how that was possible. But after encountering some of Blog Jesus's more impudent commentaries, I now realize that not only is it possible for people to graduate without having learned fundamental skills such as reading and writing, but that it's possible for these same people to believe that Blog Jesus can scare us by using big words like "ultramicrochemistry". Some background is in order: Blog Jesus is deliberately manipulating the facts. Yes, I could add that words cannot convey the hurt and despair that I and so many others feel for those who were personally attacked by Blog Jesus, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that if I were to compile a list of Blog Jesus's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Blog Jesus is out to exercise both subtlety and thoroughness in managing both the news and the entertainment that gets presented to us. And when we play his game, we become accomplices. If Blog Jesus feels ridiculed by all the attention my letters are bringing him, then that's just too darn bad. His arrogance has brought this upon himself. I am cognizant that the asinine jujuism in his expedients is not always explicit, but the scores of goose-stepping Machiavellians who comprise his terrorist organization must all be held accountable for helping Blog Jesus doctor evidence and classification systems and make infantile generalizations to support hopeless, preconceived views. Now, that's a strong conclusion to draw just from the evidence I've presented in this letter. So let me corroborate it by saying that if Blog Jesus wants to be taken seriously, he should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults. To close, let me accentuate that if we get my message about Blog Jesus out to the world, we shall not only survive Blog Jesus's attacks; we shall prevail. Also, you are gay.
i am here, Blog Jesus. Man, whatever happened to good old Fuckoff, huh? Miss that little scamp....
My question is: does antonio banderas do the voice of the bee in the Nasonex commercials or is it just some guy who wants to sound like him?
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