Tuesday, December 27, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 199

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Pops asks:

Beej,

This all begs the question: who's doing the nailing? I don't necessarily want to do it, but it would have been nice to at least be asked.

Blog Jesus answers:

The nailing being done by a super accurate blind Haitian man. The reason he is doing it is classified, but between me and you it's because he knows I have someone set to drown his grandchildren in a mud puddle if he doesn't do the job.


G.D. asks:

on your way out, you chicken-shit, can you leave the keys to the kingdom?

when's the going away party? i'd like to give the midget porn artists some notice.

Blog Jesus answers:

I am actually putting up the kingdom for auction. Highest bidder gets the whole shebang and some broken down meth kids.

No party . . . not because I don't want to be honored, but I plan on being pretty horrible tomorrow and I don't want piss in the punch.


Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

One post honoring you and all you've done for us (or lack thereof) is forthcoming for next Wednesday... Should I play some sad song in the background?

In Him,

Labbie

ps: Is GD a midget pimp?

Blog Jesus answers:

Actually play circus music with the sound of children crying overlapping it.

No she is not a midget pimp. She just has several as sex toys and is willing to rent them out.


Old Roses asks:

Dear Blog Jesus,

Since you are leaving us like that other Jesus, does that imply that you will also be returning at some future date like that other Jesus?

Blog Jesus answers:

No. I ain't no bitch. When I die, I stay dead. Giving hope is for pussies.


Killarjoe asks:

BJ,

Tell me why I'm obsessed with sending pictures of my cock to random women from the internet, and why am I such a pathetic loser?

Blog Jesus answers:

You know, I was considering reconsidering my retirement, then someone goes and lets their cock out. Killar just go flash a bunch of school girls and get yourself arrested. You being off the streets will make the world a better place.


Danikabur asks:

Should I interupt my search for JG while I search for you? I think I'm close to reaching her so I'm not sure you want me to stop.

Then again since you are leaving I may have to rethink that shrine idea.

Blog Jesus answers:

Don't stop looking for her. Get her first then come to me. I want to see you two make out.
________________________________________________

Here comes the crown of thorns. Last day tomorrow . . . come heavy or don't come at all.

As always, I look forward to making your world right again.

- Blog Jesus

43 Comments:

At 9:57 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

One post dedicated to you and all you've done (and left undone) is up on the Hypergraphic Blogger. Thanks for everything, and have a nice life... Or lack thereof.

Peace!

Last question: Boxers or briefs? We all want to know.

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger 1 said...

i don't care what you say...

i'm coming by with some dip and the midget ho's...you just have someone bring some chips.

what should i wear?

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Fuck Off said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger Fuck Off said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Fuck Off said...

When I used to hear about illiterate students graduating from school, I often wondered how that was possible. But after encountering some of Blog Jesus's more impudent commentaries, I now realize that not only is it possible for people to graduate without having learned fundamental skills such as reading and writing, but that it's possible for these same people to believe that Blog Jesus can scare us by using big words like "ultramicrochemistry". Some background is in order: Blog Jesus is deliberately manipulating the facts. Yes, I could add that words cannot convey the hurt and despair that I and so many others feel for those who were personally attacked by Blog Jesus, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that if I were to compile a list of Blog Jesus's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Blog Jesus is out to exercise both subtlety and thoroughness in managing both the news and the entertainment that gets presented to us. And when we play his game, we become accomplices. If Blog Jesus feels ridiculed by all the attention my letters are bringing him, then that's just too darn bad. His arrogance has brought this upon himself. I am cognizant that the asinine jujuism in his expedients is not always explicit, but the scores of goose-stepping Machiavellians who comprise his terrorist organization must all be held accountable for helping Blog Jesus doctor evidence and classification systems and make infantile generalizations to support hopeless, preconceived views. Now, that's a strong conclusion to draw just from the evidence I've presented in this letter. So let me corroborate it by saying that if Blog Jesus wants to be taken seriously, he should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults. To close, let me accentuate that if we get my message about Blog Jesus out to the world, we shall not only survive Blog Jesus's attacks; we shall prevail. Also, you are gay.

 
At 5:19 PM, Blogger SJ said...

i am here, Blog Jesus. Man, whatever happened to good old Fuckoff, huh? Miss that little scamp....

My question is: does antonio banderas do the voice of the bee in the Nasonex commercials or is it just some guy who wants to sound like him?

 
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如果你不思考未來,你便不會有未來..................................................

 
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未來的幸福是用現在買來的。......................................................

 
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At 5:52 PM, Blogger 惠婷 said...

經一事,長一智。經驗是良師 experience is the best teacher. ....................................................

 
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At 10:57 AM, Blogger 淑惠 said...

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At 7:04 AM, Blogger 韋于倫成 said...

只用微笑說話的人,才能擔當重任。........................................

 
At 11:39 PM, Blogger 思穎鄭宇柏 said...

成功等於目前,其他都是這句話的註解。........................................

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger MinB2139 said...

Some people cannot see the wood for the trees. ............................................................

 
At 5:32 AM, Blogger 千TatianaCallan惠 said...

你不能決定生命的長度,但你可以控制它的寬度..................................................................

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger 孫陽泉 said...

Pay somebody back in his own coin.....................................................................

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger 張怡 said...

Poverty is stranger to industry.....................................................................

 
At 9:34 PM, Blogger 佳燕 said...

知識可以傳授,智慧卻不行。每個人必須成為他自己。......................................................................

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger 慧萍黃 said...

pleasure to find such a good artical! please keep update!!.................................................................

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger 秋娥秋娥 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger 秋娥秋娥 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger 文婷文婷 said...

噴泉的高度,不會超過它的源頭。一個人的事業也是如此,它的成就絕不會超過自己的信念。.................................................................

 
At 4:40 AM, Blogger 王邦鈺 said...

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At 6:47 AM, Blogger 吳婷婷 said...

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At 1:52 PM, Blogger 吳婷婷 said...

來幫忙你衝人氣~順便留言支持你 ..................................................................

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger 王春蕙王春蕙 said...

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At 11:02 PM, Blogger 洪瑋婷洪瑋婷 said...

the best as always thanks............................................................

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger 盈廖生家秀蔡 said...

世界上沒有本來就應該的事,因為老天爺也沒有劇本..................................................

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger 張v李佳羽嘉旺 said...

A contented mind is a perpetual feast.............................................................

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger 韋陳富 said...

耐心是一株很苦的植物,但果實卻很甜美。..................................................

 
At 3:58 AM, Blogger 蔡曼鄭美玉屏 said...

每日都有新日光,每日都有新希望。.................................................

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger 王辛江淑萍康 said...

心平氣和~祝你也快樂~~..................................................

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger 佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

說「吃虧就是便宜的人」,多半不是吃虧的人。......................................................................

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger 佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

教育的目的,不在應該思考什麼,而是教吾人怎樣思考......................................................................

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger 王辛江淑萍康 said...

愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。.................................................................

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger qsc85213 said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

 

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