Thursday, December 22, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 197

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

Left hand nailed twice? At any rate, what you're really telling us is that you're going to start serving time for those pictures you took of a pinguin, a donkey, a midget, and a $10 hooker, and distributed at the local playground?

In Him,


Blog Jesus answers:

The double mention of the left hand nailed is very explainable. Duff writes my closers for me and she has been very distraught over my "retirement." While typing through the tears she forgot she had already typed left hand the day before. In the past I have killed for such mistakes, but not this time. The girl is a hard working in many ways.

Labbie, you know that I would never distribute such pictures. I would keep them all for myself. But since you questioned that I would you may not ask a question tomorrow.

HFB asks:

If I ask another question, bringing the question quota up to two, thus making you actually have to answer the questions, will you smite me? How about if I ask pretty please?

Ok, then, will you smite labbie for kinda sorta stealing my question about how are you typing if both hands are nailed down?

Blog Jesus answers:

The quota thing was to get rid of Kris. It was successful . . . no smiting for you.

He's been smited for other reasons so you lose again.

Old Roses asks:

"It looks like next Wednesday". Really? What does next Wednesday look like?

Blog Jesus answers:

It's fucked. The skies will be yellow and dolphins will be fucking kittens.

SJ asks:

Dear Blog Jesus,

I'll miss you and all, but you have to know that I will be glad to be rid of any and all cock in the mayo jar references, right?

Blog Jesus answers:

Just for that all the remaining "Heightened Thoughts" posts will include that very reference.

Pops asks:


Why do the good ones always leave us? I don't mean you, I mean Bill Bixby. Why did Bixby have to die?

Blog Jesus answers:

Anyone that directed an episode of "Blossom" is not a good man.

J.U. asks:

Dear Blog Jesus,

What about your right hand?

Blog Jesus answers:

The most interesting thing about this is that you people know you have a finite number of questions you can ask and yet many of you only referenced this subject. This means you all suck.

Danikabur asks:

Oh man it may take awhile to find you. Hmmm. Can my midget guide help me? Does he know where you are? Hopefully I don't get distracted along the way.....

Blog Jesus answers:

Not only can you use a midget guide, but I am lending you "The Cat From Outer Space" which talks and is very smart. He will make sure you don't get distracted . . . . meaning he'll be clawing cock so that you avoid it.


Left foot nailed.

As always, I look forward to making your world right again.

- Blog Jesus


At 5:16 PM, Blogger HappyFunBall said...

I've lost my copy of How to Influence People and Make Friends, so I've decided that the best thing to do is call everyone I meet a bastard and spit a lot.

So, my question is: what is the major export of Guatemala?

At 6:10 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

I'm not asking a question, as per your instruction. Sure wish you could give me some good advice for the weekend, though...


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