Tuesday, December 20, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 195

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Larry asks:

The perfect showman, Blog Jesus. Leave 'em wanting more. My question is, do you think they'll want more?

Blog Jesus answers:

Hell no. They'll just move on to the next retard with a good gimmick and I will be forgotten like . . . what the fuck is that guy's name.

HFB asks:

Why do you have to be such a bastard? Didn't I give you a sandwich? What, that wasn't enough for you?

Blog Jesus answers:

Abusive parents and a wandering eye.

Yes you did, but I wanted the bread toasted.

Cecil B. asks:

Where are you goin?

Blog Jesus answers:

Absolutely nowhere . . . unless the money is right.

Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

Will there be a second coming? And who will I turn to to make fun of me?

In Him,


Blog Jesus answers:

I've pretty much blown my load so I think a second coming is doubtful.

Try and find your father.

Da Buttah asks:

Hottie Haschem:

Does my love of being tied up and dominated really affect my place in heaven? Afterall, I am jewish and figure I'm pretty much fucked out of heaven to begin with...right?

PS: Excited about your birthday bash in 4 days?!

Blog Jesus answers:

There's a special place in heaven for your sort. It's called my romper room.

Not really. All I get is praise and no gifts. It fucking sucks.

Jeremiah states:

Don't forget to go out with a final shot at black folks. Gotta love you for those.

Blog Jesus answers:

It's statements like this one that prevents them from allowing us to own them anymore.

Pops asks:



Sorry, that's supposed to be a question.

So: Whore?

Also: why are you such a quitter?

Blog Jesus answers:

Nah, I just ate dinner.

It is not so much that I have quit as it is that I have grown tired of you and would like to get back to skinning kittens.

Jeremiah asks:

Oh, sorry...question format. Imagine my embarrassment...well, I came here so right there I couldn't avoid embarrassment. Anyway..

Aren't you just a darling, dear Jezzus, for all those amazingly funny shots at black folks?

Blog Jesus answers:

I would call myself a scare white folk firmly entrenched in a very white state in the Union rather than darling and dear.

R.U. Serious asks:

Blog Daddy J

Did Labbie just ask if you are going to have a second orgasm?

Blog Jesus answers:

As if he was asking anything else.

Old Roses asks:

Does this mean that Duff is going to be unemployed? Sorry, Duff. Bummer. Especially to get dumped, I mean fired, during the holidays.

Blog Jesus answers:

No. Duff is still an employee of Heightened Jesus, Inc. There is still chaos to be spread, just not in this format. Plus, you just can't put that kind of ass out on the street.

Danikabur asks:

I will be so lost when you leave! What will I do?

Blog Jesus answers:

I got so many large cocked individuals heading your way that the void will be filled and then some.

Lori asks:

So exactly what did that mean in my Christmas card...I got the other day??

Have a great day!!!

Blog Jesus answers:

It was jizz and it means don't accept cards from the homeless.


Left hand nailed.

As always, I look forward to making your world right again.

- Blog Jesus


At 4:36 PM, Blogger Pops said...


See. Look at all the questions now. And the day before there were but two. Like I said: whore.

Everyone lines up for the new whore, but nobody's laughing when we've all got a screaming case of gonorrhea.

I guess there should be a question in here somewhere... OK, how can you have a long slow decline (as you have) if you never peaked in the first place?

At 5:31 PM, Blogger Kenna said...

This is because of the hostile takeover at blogshares, isn't it?

At 6:11 AM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

I know who my father is, thank you very much. But on to a meaningful question: One for the money, or two for the show?

In Him,

At 6:15 AM, Blogger da buttah said...

Hottie Haschem:
Romper Room, eh? I'm more than down. So you're going on hiatus? Is that very christ-like of you?

You shall be missd!

At 6:17 AM, Blogger Grouch Grouch said...

Ok, so we can't ask you questions and we can't ask Satan.

Should we start calling a 900 psychic? My favorite one is in Jail. Do you think she can call me collect?

At 8:02 AM, Blogger 1 said...

when is this blog closing down.

i'd like to have enough time to prepare my insults.

At 9:05 AM, Blogger HappyFunBall said...

Bastard whore.

Do people with Tourette's Syndrome get into Heaven?

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Danikabur said...

Will I finally get to have what I always wanted before you go? (By that I mean have you)

P.S thank you for the many cocks headed my way. I'm sure I'll be appreciating them for a long time to come. :D


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