Wednesday, December 14, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 192

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Threecharlie asks:

Jesus-

What's the deal with the locals here in Naples, Italy? Are there any cool people here or are they all a bunch of crooks?

Thanks.

-Charlie

Blog Jesus answers:

I hate to tell you this Charlie but every resident of Naples except you have become hooked on heroin. That makes them cool and you a completely dork. Start shooting up or get left behind.


Anonymous City Girl asks:

If you're Jesus, why do you live in Indiana?

Blog Jesus answers:

Oh newbies, so retarded. The Blog Jesus is nothing like that panty sniffer reefer addict regular Jesus. I live in Indiana because I am too lazy to move somewhere that would allow my career to take off.


Gawker asks:

Dear Blejus

Where do I sign up to defend your ass in the war against Christmas?

Blog Jesus answers:

Kid, you're not a newbie but you may be equally retarded. Everyone knows that Arbor Day is Blog Jesus' day. Sign up to protect me in the war on that.


Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

I'm the secret santa of this one really cute girl at work. Should I get her more than she asked for? Further, will I get any action out of the deal?

In Him,

Labbie

Blog Jesus answers:

You'll only fuck it all up if you go off the list. Just get her what she wants then avoid her . . . . she'll appreciate that a whole fucking lot.

______________________________________________

Once the live stage is dead, you have to burn the body in order to bury it . . . for the sake of drama.

As always, I look forward to making your world right again.

- Blog Jesus

6 Comments:

At 3:16 PM, Blogger R. U. Serious said...

Blog Daddy J

I keep reading these posts from Labbie indicating he believes he may be having sex.

What drugs is he on and where can I get some?

 
At 9:27 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

What kind of proof must I provide to show that, indeed, I HAVE been "laying down pipe"?

In Him,
Labbie

 
At 2:50 AM, Blogger OldRoses said...

Dear Blog Jesus,

I assume the answer to labbie's question is to provide photographic proof. Will you be sharing the pictures with us?

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger J.U. said...

Dear Blog Jesus,

I've got a question for you. Will the Indianapolis Colts go undefeated during the regular season? If so, will they win the Super Bowl or will they choke earlier?

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger mrgumby2u said...

BeJeZus,

Just what does it take to choke a colt? And is that allowed?

 
At 3:54 PM, Blogger gawker said...

Dear Blejus
Is choking a colt like spanking a monkey?

 

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