Tuesday, December 13, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 191

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Duff asks:

dear boss~

is it bad that i haven't started xmas shopping yet? i mean, i haven't bought a damned thing.

oh, and my cards? they'll be late again this year, too.....

Blog Jesus answers:

It is bad that you're going Christmas shopping to begin with. All you're doing is making corporate fat cats richer and thus making them less likely to listen to me.

Snappedphoenix asks:

My Lord,

Is it okay to go out with someone if you know they are more into you, then you are into them? I mean, one person always like one better than the other, right?

Blog Jesus answers:

It is all right as long as you're able to manipulate sex out of the deal. If not, you're wasting your time.

Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

I'm pretending to pretend? Niiice. At any rate, I heard that masturbating will make you blind... What's the scientific explanation for that phenomenom?

In him,


Blog Jesus answers:

Olden folk used to do it wrong and took shots in the eye. There were never any clean towels around and that shit go infected - hence the blindness.

Pops asks:


Chargers-Colts this weekend. The Colts are 13-0, but the way I see it, that's a soft 13-0. Sure, the Chargers have 5 more losses, but they have much better helmet logos. I say Chargers 45, Colts 0. Should we make some kind of bet?

Blog Jesus answers:

Sure. If the Chargers win by that margin I will refrain from gunning down retards for a week. If they do not you have to kill two of your kids.

MrGumby2u asks:


Can you let us know who is going to win the war on Christmas? I don't want to waste my time and money shopping for presents if things are looking bad for the Christmas Mercantilists.

Blog Jesus answers:

In a shocking turn, polar bears will win the war and we'll be too busy fearing being eaten to care about Christmas.


Okay, so the live stage may actually still be breathing, but kick it a few times and all will be well.

As always, I lo


At 11:37 PM, Blogger ThreeCharlie said...


What's the deal with the locals here in Naples, Italy? Are there any cool people here or are they all a bunch of crooks? Thanks.


At 7:36 AM, Blogger Anonymous City Girl said...

If you're Jesus, why do you live in Indiana?

At 7:44 AM, Blogger gawker said...

Dear Blejus
Where do I sign up to defend your ass in the war against Christmas?

At 3:30 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

I'm the secret santa of this one really cute girl at work. Should I get her more than she asked for? Further, will I get any action out of the deal?

In Him,


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