Tuesday, December 13, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 191

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Duff asks:

dear boss~

is it bad that i haven't started xmas shopping yet? i mean, i haven't bought a damned thing.

oh, and my cards? they'll be late again this year, too.....

Blog Jesus answers:

It is bad that you're going Christmas shopping to begin with. All you're doing is making corporate fat cats richer and thus making them less likely to listen to me.


Snappedphoenix asks:

My Lord,

Is it okay to go out with someone if you know they are more into you, then you are into them? I mean, one person always like one better than the other, right?

Blog Jesus answers:

It is all right as long as you're able to manipulate sex out of the deal. If not, you're wasting your time.


Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

I'm pretending to pretend? Niiice. At any rate, I heard that masturbating will make you blind... What's the scientific explanation for that phenomenom?

In him,

Labbie

Blog Jesus answers:

Olden folk used to do it wrong and took shots in the eye. There were never any clean towels around and that shit go infected - hence the blindness.


Pops asks:

Beej,

Chargers-Colts this weekend. The Colts are 13-0, but the way I see it, that's a soft 13-0. Sure, the Chargers have 5 more losses, but they have much better helmet logos. I say Chargers 45, Colts 0. Should we make some kind of bet?

Blog Jesus answers:

Sure. If the Chargers win by that margin I will refrain from gunning down retards for a week. If they do not you have to kill two of your kids.


MrGumby2u asks:

BeJeeZus,

Can you let us know who is going to win the war on Christmas? I don't want to waste my time and money shopping for presents if things are looking bad for the Christmas Mercantilists.

Blog Jesus answers:

In a shocking turn, polar bears will win the war and we'll be too busy fearing being eaten to care about Christmas.


_____________________________________________

Okay, so the live stage may actually still be breathing, but kick it a few times and all will be well.

As always, I lo

4 Comments:

At 11:37 PM, Blogger ThreeCharlie said...

Jesus-

What's the deal with the locals here in Naples, Italy? Are there any cool people here or are they all a bunch of crooks? Thanks.

-Charlie

 
At 7:36 AM, Blogger Anonymous City Girl said...

If you're Jesus, why do you live in Indiana?

 
At 7:44 AM, Blogger gawker said...

Dear Blejus
Where do I sign up to defend your ass in the war against Christmas?

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

I'm the secret santa of this one really cute girl at work. Should I get her more than she asked for? Further, will I get any action out of the deal?

In Him,
Labbie

 

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