Friday, November 18, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 176

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Labbie asks:

Blog Geez,

What does it mean when a girl tell me to bite her?

In Him,


Blog Jesus answers:

She is telling you to fuck off like everyone else. I really wish I could mail you a clue.

R.U. Serious asks:

Blog to the J

Is it just me or are the jokes about word verification getting lamer? Is that even possible?

Blog Jesus asks:

They are so fucking lame that I cut myself every time it is brought up. If it gets worse I will cut a nearby kid.

TLH asks:

Big J:

Can you remind me again which seven sins are the deadly ones?

P.S. Thanks for the weather. It worked.

P.P.S. My word verification joke: This gig peanut butter + jelly hellO!

Blog Jesus answers:

None of them are deadly. They should be shrunk and passed out as party favors.

Housekeeper asks:

Dear BJ,

I was watching “The View” today, an offense I should get a smiting for, when they mentioned that Heidi Fleiss is opening a brothel that staffs male hookers…TOTALLY MY IDEA!!! Is there anyway for me to still get in on the male whore industry?

Blog Jesus answers:

I thought you were already immersed in the industry with your short skirts and leather fetish.

Jess asks:


What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

Blog Jesus answers:

Shaving the heads of older women.

Gawker asks:

Dear Blejus

Is it to Labbie's benefit that he is such a failure at interpreting feminine signals cause that way he doesnt feel bad when he gets put down by women?

Blog Jesus answers:

His social retardness keeps him alive.

Danikabur asks:

Damn! I am all out of books to read. Do you have any erotic books that I can borrow... you know so I'm ready for my firemen?Also what the hell is up with this wind?

Blog Jesus answers:

I don't have any erotic books left in the library. I do have some Dog's Life magazines that will probably work.

I caused an orphanage to collapse and it was that whole butterfly effect thing.

New York Moments asks:

Blog Jesus,

Why do men love to jerk off for women on webcams? And why is it that they don't realize that we just laugh at them instead of getting horny?

Blog Jesus answers:

They were born in Labbie's gene pool.

MrGumby2u asks:


I just emerged from my coma and find this wacky-ass "word verification" (yeah, right; "ucjddmdy" is a word) thingamajig standing between me and my savior. WTF, mate?

Blog Jesus answers:

I had too many people leaving for cock enlargements due to those damn spammers.

It's the weekend - kill something.

As always, I look forward to making your world right again.

- Blog Jesus


At 9:27 PM, Blogger OldRoses said...

Dear Blog Jesus,

Your last communication instructed us to kill something because it is the weekend. Does killing my own brain cells with alcohol count?

At 9:33 AM, Blogger duff said...

dear boss~

i'm getting kind of hungry. got anything around here that i can nibble on?

At 10:42 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

She really did mean for me to bite her, literally. Who would have known? At any rate. The question after the weekend is: Dark Meat or White?

In Him,

ps: Duff can have some of my cake, if she's really that hungry.

At 6:22 AM, Blogger J.U. said...

Dear Blog Jesus,

I had a really weird dream involving me losing the ability to speak English and I only spoke fluent Spanish. Then I woke up speaking Spanish. Is this like normal or something?

Now the Word Verification feature is going to African place names.

At 9:40 AM, Blogger Kay Richardson said...

Hello Jesus, you're great etc etc. Could you help with a problem? If I were to go back in time and kissed my past self, would I then be gay? I need to know.


At 1:05 PM, Blogger Brent said...

Dear Blog Jesus,

Since your birthday is coming up next month, does that entitle you to any fringe benefits like free lapdances and 2 for 1 pitchers?

At 2:15 PM, Blogger Jess said...


If a turkey kills the hunter trying to kill it for Thanksgiving dinner, is it homocide or self-defense?


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