Wednesday, November 09, 2005

And Now Your Answers - Day 169

People, my people, my fine people, my fine, fine people. I thank you all for baring your souls to Blog Jesus. And now I shall answer your questions and lift you up where you belong:

Motherdear asks:

Dear Blog Jesus,

You're welcome for the award. Don't blame me, I didn't nominate OR vote for for you. But someone did. I'm sure they're happy about it now.

My question - why did you send a tornado to blow apart your own state of Indiana? Did they do something to upset you? (And no, nobody from Indiana nominated or voted for you for any awards, so I know that wasn't it.)

Blog Jesus answers:

If you can't kill your own then you have no right to kill at all.

J.U. asks:

Dear Blog Jesus,

Since you know the Big Guy Up There, I was thinking you would have an answer to the following question. Is it sacrilege to have sex on the steps of a church? I saw this behavior several years ago in Boston. If not, are there any rules of etiquette that one should follow?

Blog Jesus answers:

It's cool to make sweet, sweet love on the steps of the church - just don't leave any juices of any sort behind.

Gawker asks:

Dear Blejus

With evolution having finally been laid to rest (finally) in Kansas, will you make Wichita the base of your operations now?

Blog Jesus answers:

No. It will remain my toilet.

DucatiMike asks:

Hey BJ,

So I've recently come back to blogging and such and I'm not liking this word verification's a PITA.

My question:

Can I borrow one of the Anal Chainsaws...I have need of one here at work....this boss of mine... Need I really explain further?

Blog Jesus answers:

I will let you borrow one, but you need to clean it before handing it back and you can't wear gloves while doing so.

Where Did I Go? asks:

Your Jolliness,

would you recommend the Doom movie, being based on Hell, or What Dreams May Come, based on your homeland?

And what's with your music already? Can't we give the pilgrams a chance?

Blog Jesus answers:

I would recommend the film I have of the Rock sodomizing Robin Williams.

I love my oppressive pilgrim music - those bastards killed the Indians and eliminated a good source of slaves.

Marriedman Chang asks:

Dearest blog jeeeesus.

Now that I'm "outing" gay men that don't need to be "outed" on my blog (e.g. Condoleeza Rice and Alf) will I go straight to hell? Or will I take a detour?

Blog Jesus answers:

I think I have told you that you are going to hell for quite awhile now. Once it is determined you are hellbound there is no detour. You go from dead to fucked pretty quickly.


Poor jobless Maggie Grace.

As always, I look forward to making your world right again.

- Blog Jesus


At 9:31 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

Blog Geez,

I'm sort of crushing on Maggie Gyleenhaal. Will it be weird if I mention to her that I saw her naked in that one movie on our first date? Or should I just keep mum?

In Him,

At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blog to the J,

If you are so powerful, why are you in Indiana?

At 5:56 AM, Blogger J.U. said...

Dear Blog Jesus,

What about making sweet, sweet love in a church? I saw this happen in New York City. Would that be OK?

At 9:53 AM, Blogger Footprint said...

Dear BJ:

We;ve had a suspicion that our neighbor has been having "relations" whilst babysitting our dog. What can you do about it??

At 11:24 AM, Blogger gawker said...

Dear Blejus
What's Bizarro Blejus like, and are you two friends?

At 11:39 AM, Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

Blog Jesus...This blog has renewed my will to live.

Can you explain to me why a large number of my gender are mindless idiots?

At 12:26 PM, Blogger marriedman said...

shepard of the flock,

dr. pepper, or mr. pibb?

who wins?

At 9:59 PM, Blogger duff said...

dear boss~

can you zip this for me?

thanks. that's much better.

now, why is it that labbie is reduced to a puddle of goo at the mere metion of "boobs"?

At 10:49 PM, Blogger Labbie said...

*melts down to a puddle of goo* Oh, dear Lord... There I go again.


Post a Comment

<< Home